In my long career as an independent midwife I worked with couples from a diverse range of backgrounds. My practice of holistic midwifery resulted in a unique bond between the couple and myself. Our engagement often extended from early pregnancy to well into the years of parenthood. Through the trust placed in me, I was privileged to observe the inner workings of relationships as they were tested by the inevitable adjustments of the childbearing years. This provided me with deep insight into the strengths and vulnerabilities of individuals and the interplay of these characteristics in the life of a couple.
But what enabled one couple to negotiate the challenges of parenthood relatively harmoniously while another couple struggled with significant shortcomings in the relationship?
As my interest in couple dynamics grew, I became motivated to undertake further studies. I started to look for realistic and practical solutions to some of the relationship woes I had observed.
I was fortunate to be mentored by excellent teachers during my comprehensive study program with Relationships Australia in Newcastle and Sydney.
In the course of my training, I read with great interest the writings of Harville Hendrix, a renowned American psychologist and marriage therapist. I found his Imago model of therapy correlated well with my own experience with couples and was particularly relevant to couples in strife. The Imago model helps to make the connection between past childhood experiences and current relationship patterns. Adult relationships tend to be fashioned in the image (“Imago”) of those from our formative years. This explains why we are often attracted to partners who affect us similarly to how influential people did during our childhood. By revealing the dysfunctional elements of those earlier relationships, the door is opened to a more insightful approach to the current one.
Couples often develop a circular pattern of behaviour with each other, locking them into a repetitive and discordant “dance around a theme” and making it difficult for either of them to change. When we work together, we seek to discover such patterns. The Imago model helps the couple recognize the reasons for this behaviour and provides a basis for interrupting the corrosive process long enough to open the door to a completely different style of interaction — an interaction based on empathy and understanding.
Once the individuals learn to recognize and acknowledge their unhelpful behaviour patterns, the couple is able to negotiate the issues more respectfully and productively. Each person discovers qualities in themselves that facilitate this process. Now is the time to evaluate their vision of the relationship. We examine the hopes and expectations each person has for themself, their partner and their combined life together. While some may come to a mutual recognition that termination of the relationship will in the end serve them better as individuals, most couples go on to welcome the opportunity to rekindle the romance.
One of the hallmarks of holistic midwifery is flexibility; so it is too with relationship counselling. The Imago influence, blended with my experience as midwife and training as therapist, has over the years shaped a flexible model of practice to which couples respond well and in which they are able to work effectively to achieve results.
I have seen couples and individuals from all walks of life, but professional couples in particular seem to appreciate working with this model. I also retain a keen interest in working with women or couples who are looking for advice, inspiration or encouragement with any issues relating to pregnancy, birth and postnatal time.
My approach to counselling is practical, grounded and no-nonsense. It offers benefits not only for intimate relationships but also for personal development, self-esteem, parenting, friendships and work. While the individuals must be willing to engage and be challenged, the atmosphere in our sessions is positive and relaxed. We use first names, and we can communicate in either German or English.
Our engagement is conducted on a completely confidential basis.
A session plan typically lasts approximately three months, with weekly meetings.
Each session runs for at least 90 minutes (better still, 120 minutes), allowing us to explore the issues at hand more deeply than would be possible in a shorter duration. In the long run, this is a more efficient use of time and emotional energy.
The session plan includes reflective listening exercises, educational components and short home assignments for the couple.
By the time they seek help, most couples have been struggling for years with dysfunction in their relationship and recognize that things can’t be resolved in a few hours. The cost of doing nothing is painfully clear. The investment now can be incredibly strengthening and pay huge dividends. Even if the outcome may sometimes be different from expectations, each person will emerge with a solid foundation for dealing more appropriately with a whole range of issues in their future life.
The cost is €80 per hour.